UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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