no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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