like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
