Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
