I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
