i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
