I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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