apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Actions speak louder than pants.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
