how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
