Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
