plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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