im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cannot find my penis.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
