I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
