and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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