Why are handjobs necessary in class?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
