i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
