apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
