I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
