No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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