She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize