I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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