the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
