The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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