i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize