I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
