So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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