Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
