i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
