My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
