I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize