So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
