Just cropdusted the office
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
