I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
