I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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