i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
