Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
