I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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