oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
