How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
