I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
COCAINE IS GR8
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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