i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
