Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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