finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
