and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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