Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize