my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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