Can i not drive my cunt home
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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