i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
