I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
