; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
