I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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