He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
