Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
