Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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