Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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