Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
