if you like me you must not know who I am
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
