Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Semen is not good for contacts.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
