no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
