All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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