Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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