If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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