I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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