whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
