Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
