I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
