I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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