the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
