and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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