She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
