Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
