Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
