Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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