Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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