i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
