Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I need moral support for this bender
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
