I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
