She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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