I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
